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Alobar Greywalker: Magickal Record (aka Frater PVN, LA-BAJ-AL)
My Ever Evolving Grimoire: The Book of the Confluence of Forces
        I was gifted with a BIG pork rib tonight.  So I do not have to buy dinner for tomorrow.

       I counted my moola.  I have enough to buy the Hb A1C glucose test and the AC battery pack for more computer at work.  So even though it does not look like I will get rich tonight, I am happy.
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        When I go from my usual 2 monitor configuration to just the laptop, I gotta fuck around for ~10 minutes to get things looking the way I want it.  I wish I knew how to save both configurations and switch back and forth, but I do not know if that is even possible.

       Before I leave for work, I take a caffeine and a pain killer.  Then I wait 10-15 minutes for them to kick-in before I pack up, get dressed and leave to go to work.

       Today it dawned on me that if I configure my laptop for use without the external monitor while waiting for the caffeine and pain kller to kick-in, I can save ~10 minutes of battery time.
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        Yesterday I made mre $$ than I have made since early October.

       And this is the slow season.

       A very drunk middle aged white guy gave me $40. Not for a reading.  He tried to talk his friend into a reading.  His friend had no interest.  Before e staggered off he thrust 2 $20 into my hand.

       A woman who had been a client of mine (woman I did not remember) told me if she ever got rich she wold give me a free apartment for life.  Not something sexual.

       So today I pay the rent due on Wednesday.  I got $$ in my pocket.  I can buy food!

       Next rain day I am off to WallyWorld seeking an external power supply for the laptop.
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        I had been thinking of writing to Melane for the past several das.  I feel that my freak-outs, stress, and stupidities around my forced move last April may have nsulted er or hrt er feelngs and I wanted to apologize. Bt I was at a loss for words as to how to write the e-mail

       Melanie, John. and Melanie's brother stopped by work briefly on Thursday night.  She was her usual chipper self so I guess she was not pissed at me for being an ass last April.

       The were off to get some food.  Meanie asked what time I wold be leaving he Square.  I thought it was ~11PM, so I said ~1AM.  But it was really ~midnight.  {oopsie}

       So  staed much later tha 1 in the hopes of catching her.

       She never returned.  So I did not get to connect with her, and I dd not get to bed until 8AM.

       So even though I pushed myself and got less sleep than I wanted, I did not get to work until 9:45 PM Friday night.

       Usng the laptop at work ept me awake, but starting so late,  did not get any readings.

       I am finding that the less caffeine I use, the less pain, so the need for pain killers is reduced.

       The less pain, the less tendency to fall asleep to avoid the pain, so the fewer doses of caffeine needed.

       So I pushed myself hard today.  No $$, but I will be getting to bed by 6AM, so I should be able to get out earlier on Saturday.

       I could really use making $150+ between Saturday and Wednesday.

       Friday afternoon I wrote an e-mail to Melanie.  Hopefully she is still in town and will stop by this weekend.
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        8 days ago I acquired a bottle of Vitamin A and began to heavily dose up (5,000 IU, twice a day, in additon to the A I had been taking) because of my loss in color vision at night.

       Last night was the first time I cold begin to distinguish between the white and yellow feathers on my table at night.

       Not great yet, but it is a start.
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        Below the cut is what my LJ f-page looked like 2 minutes ago.

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        So I am sitting at my table at work.  A couple walks past.  The woman turns in my direction and announces  to her boyfriend that she wants a reading.

       He grabs her by the shoulder and {YANKS} her away.

        She would have bounced on the ground had he not been strong-arming her.

       Nobody should treat a dog like that.

       IMO, he needed jail time.

       So I screamed at him.  I called him an ass.  I attempted to provoke him into attacking me.  I soooo wanted to "defend myself", put him in the hospital with my pepper spray, the see if I could get him arrested and charged with assault. 

       But he did not take the hint.

       The next day I told te tale to Officer Koch.  He told me I did the right thing.

       I love it when me & "the law" see eye to eye.
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        So I am sitting i front of te Cafe Pontalba.  It is closed.  Chairs are upside down on the tables.  Room is dark.  No people inside.

       This middle class middle aged white woman tries the door and attempts to enter.

       How can people be so unobservant and not be living on the street??
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        I have no significant cash but I hope to make money between Yule and Mardi Gras.

       While I would love a REAL apartment, my laptop is a higher priority.

       My keyboard is crumbling.  I could buy an external keyboard but my desk real estate is limited.  So I am beginning to go on a quest.

       No idea of rands or prices.

       MUST be a Windows machine.

       I need a laptop with the largest screen possible.

       I want huge memory.

       I want a huge-ass hard drive.

        I want a really fast processor.

       I want a battery which will last HOURS, not 45 minutes.

       I wan a security device for chaining the laptop to my table at work.

       And, of course,  want it affordable.

       Back in 1984 I paid over $4,000 for the first IBM-PC. 64K of memory, 2-360K floppies.  Compared to that, anything is affordable.

       No idea of my budget as of yet but $1,000 would be nice.
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        The more I use coconut oil, the more impressed I become.

        have been using coconut oil now for over 12 years.  As I grow older, coconut oil becomes more and more important –– especially in cold weather.

       At work, I just put on layer after layer, and keep relatively warm while I watch the heavy smokers around me freeze because they are under the delusion that sucking hot tobacco smoke will keep them warm.

       But while running errands, buses are over-heated.  Waiting for buses are real cold.  And when I am tired I get colder quicker.

       Bodies need calories.  Even back when I allowed myself lots of carbs, carbs ae not nearly as efficient as fat calories.

       Coconut oil is not only the healthiest oil on earth but is an amazing body warmer!

       Great on Whole Food Chicken Noodle soup.  And makes te soup more filling, so a $10 quart lasts longer.
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        kellcrow7clued me in tonight about my laptop battery.

       There are no different strengths batteries.  So no reason to buy a more expensive battery.

       I can increase my battery time by limiting to the barest minimum what programs are open.  So tonight, no internet, no browser.  Nothing open other than ClipMate and Semagic. 

       She also wracked her brains and gave me info for possibly finding my secondary battery amidst my storage stuff.

       Hopefully I shall have a second battery without the need to buy another one. 

      Following kellcrow7's advice gave me 18 minutes of additional battery time.
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        To the left is data taken earlier today. To the right is last month.

       Looking at my heart rate, one would think I had been sitting quietly meditating.  No so!  Running around, seep dep, walking more earlier than any day in the past 5 years.

       No idea why there was a shift in my blood pressure.
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        M laptop bettery lasts about 43 minutes before the computer shuts down,

        could buy a dozen batteries and switch them out a dozen times ever night.

       But I would much rather spend more $$ for batteries which will last for several hours.

       Do such kick-ass batteries even exist?  If so, where do I buy them?

       $$ is better than I had thought.  I should be able to buy batteries SOON!  Maybe just one or two, but it is a start.
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        Since 1984 when I got my first computer, whenever I get a sticky key, I pop the key off the keyboard, clean the crud and pop it back on.

       The laptop I was gifted with by Melanie is different.

       The right cursor key was sticking.  I had to {TAP} the key vigorously.  So I popped the key.  Little metal thingies also popped out and the key will not pop back on.

       Key works but no keycap.
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        Since I strted taking my laptop at wok, I have gotten a reading evry night while on the laptop.

       My second battery is buried in storage and one battery is only good for ~2 hours.

       My laptop has no security.  No way to nail it to my desk.  Laptop case can be secured but not the laptop.

       I need a lockable harness for the laptop, so hen I fall asleep the laptop remains secure sitting open on my table.
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        I specifically went to trouble to change the posting dates when posting old posts I wrote when I had no WiFi.

       But LJ has ostem in the wrong places.

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        I nod out a lot.  No telling where I will wake up.  At work?  On my Walker along the fence of Armstrong park? Sitting at my computer at home?

       Tonight I did not work.  Going to bed early.  No caffeine or pain killers since Sunday night.  I am home.
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        These chickens come in 2 flavors.  One is home,  The other is health.

       The past 4 months have been the absolute worst they have been, even since 1993 when I first began working on Jackson Square.

       But back then I had 3 things working in my favor.
a)  I was receiving a LOT more $$ in food stamps.  No records available, but I believe Raven and I received close to $150/month together.
b)  We were both working on the Square.
c)  We shared a $275 a month apartment.

a)  If I can stay warm this winter,
b)  If my health allows me to work long hours,
c)  If people from Northern Climes come here for Yule,
d)  If the teams i the Sugarbowl are from PROSPEROUS Northern Climes,
maybe, just MAYBE I can maybe enough $$ to begin seeking for a permanent home.

       Similarly for Mardi Gras and Valentine's Day.

       The aspiration is to have enough $$ to get a home after Gras.  Rent to own would be ideal.  A duplex would be even better.  Relatively Safe neighborhood half the distance to work would be ideal.

       No idea if this is even remotely possible, but it is what I want.

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        My incredibly shitty Virgin WiFi behaves much better on Jackson Square than here at the TIRC/ ptsde awy from steel and cntrete buildngs, I suppose.

       One more reason to quest for an older wooden home.

       My bandwidth seems to be being consumed faster than usual.  My "month" may be only 2 weeks.  Gotta make more $$.
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        Answers below cut.

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        My mattress ecosystem is becoming more and more annoying.

       I like my sleep!

       Diatomaceous Earth is the answer. Less than $10.

       I should be alt to do ts without harming the immortalist breatharian fly on my wall if I am careful.

       ;Semi-appropriate video here.
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        All year long people want to call me Santa.

       This time of ear, it is several times daily.

       Some people get upset when I tell them do ot like Santa nor do I want to be associated with him.

       In the Xian religion, "God" supposedly judges people and punishes the ones he deems are "not nice".

       I say fuck dat shit! I judge MY behavior and expect others to do likewise.

       Cultural representations of Santa are extremely tainted Xianity. They are both classist and racist.

       I want NO part of any associations with Santa.
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        On this day in 1967 I turned in my draft card.

       I have no regrets.

       I never obey laws I disagree with or follow rules I cannot abide by.

       "In times of difficulty and distress, in whom do you place your trust?"
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        The Party in my dream last night had a second very important knowledge lesson for me.

       There was a middle-aged gay man at the party.  Very well spoken and very persuasive.  It was clear to me his skills at language and persuasiveness were developed within the gay community.

       I told him so.  He thanked me. By the way I had spoken to him, he knew I was not trying to pick him up.

       And that points straight at one of my major insecurities!

       I fear giving compliments fr fear the person is going to think  am trying to pick him or her up when I am not.
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        I was at a large art n m dream.  did not know anyone, yet I was very comfortable.  Ad it felt *natural* for me to feel comfortable {AMAZING!}

       One of the wonderful things I have come to understand in this lifetime is that my dreams can sow me how I can become if I continue to keep growing.

       In the dream, somone made some disparaging (& inacurate) remarks about MDMA, which I corrected.

       I then went on to describe how psychedelics changed my whole approach to reality.

       I used doing magickal ritual as an example.  Before psychedelics I memorized other peoples rituals.  I plotted out and memorize the gestures, the intonations, the sequence of what was to be done. I entered the Magickal Circle with a game plan!

       My catholic school upbringing taught me this.  God is out there someplace.  I invoke him and talk to him in formal language.  I talk.  He (hopefully) listens.

       Magick worked pretty much the same way.

       Catholics, Golden Dawn, OTO –– pretty much all the same.  Priests put on a stage show using scripts they once memorized.  Does God get bored hearing these prayers memorized scripts after day?

       As I became more and mre adroit with psychedelics, inside and outside became a literary fiction as opposed to reality.  When I connect with Ganesh, no formal scrips are needed.  No ritual plan. No memorized prayers. 

       Charlie who works on the Square uses mantra a lot.  Very loudly.  Not sure if he is trying to impress the gods, the people passing near him, or to disconnect from his rational mind.

       Why he would want to sort-circuit his rational mind? 

       I do not know, but mantra seems to be used to do just that.

       My ancestors spent millions of years to develop my rational mind.  Why would I want to turn it off?

       I find hearing Charlie's loud mantras boring. Like the musicians who play the same 3 songs over and over for hours.

       Post-psychedelic connectivity does not shut off my rational brain. It connects it.  With what?  Fuck if I know! My intuitive brain?  Sure.  But it feels like something much larger than that.

       When Ganesh and I chat, Ganesh is in me and I am in Ganesh.

       When I am outside, I think of the wind many times a day.  It is manifest.  I thank the wind.  Sometimes expressing I'd like a stronger or more gentle wind  We work on the logistics together.

       My ~15 year intensive use of psychedelics av put me in touch with far more aspects of the mutiverse than I ever dreamed possible.

       BTW, I am not nearly as semantically erudite when awake as I am in my dreams.
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        For the past week or so, I have been flicking what I had thought were bedbugs off my arms, legs, body.

       But they NEVER bite me.

       They are little. They are round. They are dark red/brown. They do not squish. They are compact with no legs, tail, or head sticking out.

       I looked at bugs, grubs, bedbugs, red round bugs,  

       Of course, now that I am sitting next to my bed with magnifying glass within reach, there are none to be seen.

       When they wake me up, they assist me to remember my dreams.

       I spent 2 hours looking at pics on google. Ain't nothing like the bugs in my bed I could find.

       LadyHawk suggested thy might be ladybugs.

       I can't find any images of ladybugs which have no spots and do not fly.

       I am perplexed.
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        I won't take it until late tonight.  I hope my next batch arrives today.

       If not, Ah well!  I guess I shall have to see how I do without it.
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        Wen I first noticed the fly on my wall back in May, it never moved.  At first I thought it was a corpse.

       But if I put my hand up to cast a shadow on the fly it would move in a small circle.

       I greet the fly most days.  He/she sits there 24/7.

       Over the past 2 or 3 months, something odd has developed.  I no longer need to cast a shadow on the fly to induce him/her to move.  If I hold my hand up about 2 feet from the fly and wiggle my fingers at him/her, the fly goes into his/her little greeting dance.

       In a very strange way we have become buddies.

       I have never before become buddies with a seemingly immortal breatharian fly.

       :Previously (no internet, so no link) I have delineated why I feel the need to live alone.  Certainly not with housemates.  I doubt I would want a live-in lover even if a hot babe hopped in my lap (but I am weak and might possibly get seduced, especially if she can pay more than half the bills).

       Then there is $$.  I ain't got $$ for rent, deposit and utilities for ANY place I would want to live in.

       Also,no idea where to move to.

       So my room at the TIRC is my home for the foreseeable future.

       Then, as I was laying in bed, unable to sleep, I connected with my buddy, the fly.

       Now,many people may not be able to relate to what I am about to say, but I do not want to move and abandon my relationship with the fly.

       Likewise I do not own the fly.  So not my place to put him/her into a jar and move him/her to my new home.
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        I have been without internet since November 27.  I have made over 30 posts and put them into ClipMate.

       Once I get my internet I will be inserting all the back posts here into LJ.

       I will be posting them with the time/date they were written (except for this post).
1.  I do not want to inundate your f-list with a gazillion posts of mine all at once.
2.  I want an accurate count of daily posts for my records in ljArchive.

       So check them out at http://alobar.livejournal.com.

       Extreme poverty is something I recommend to anyone making good $$ (over $25,000 a year) for ~6 months straight.  I especially recommend it to all Congress Critters, judges, da-Prez, and all those who administer funding for the poor.

       Learning to balance paying rent/utilities and eating is an Art everyone should know.

       But I do not recommend more than 6 months.  Too stressful!

       I have had to juggle priorities more times in the past 6 months tan in the previous decade.  Very stressful.  But educational.

       I have had to instruct myself to remain as copacetic as possible

       And this has required MUCH temperance.

       As an example, Progresso Clam Chowder Potato Soup with Clam flavor is both yummy and relatively inexpensive.  But the carbs give me mood swings.  Baked potato with butter is also high carb but the butter lowers the glycemic index (8/4/2002).  Weird but true!
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        I specifically went to Whole Foods to obtain coconut oil.

       I did not buy any.

       When my blood sugar is real low my mind does not work well.  I forget street names I have known for 22 years.  I lose my sense of drection.  And  forget what I am doing.

       I had not had any nourishment in over 12 hours.

       I felt punchy like I needed caffeine, but what  needed was food.

       et another indication that high blood sugar is ot the rblem is has been for the past decades.
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        I specifically went to Whole Foods to obtain coconut oil.

       I did not buy any.

       When my blood sugar is real low my mind does not work well.  I forget street names I have known for 22 years.  I lose my sense of direction.  And  forget what I am doing.

       I had not had any nourishment in over 12 hours.

       I felt punchy like I needed caffeine, but what  needed was food.

       Yet another indication that high blood sugar is not the problem is has been for the past decades.
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        So I went to Walgreens on Royal.  NO top-p cards for Virgin WiFi.

        I had been running around all day.  Tired.  Rather than go to the CVS or another Walgreens, I decide to use my Social Security Mastercard debit card to pay the $$ for a month of WiFi.


       I get an error message and was told to call the help line.

       My phone phobia is almost totally gone.  So I slurp some cold chicken noodle soup, crank up the heater, and call them.

       I get a recoded message. 

       In English and Spanish.  I hate dat! 

       If you gonna live in the US, learn to comprehend and speak English!  No Polish or Vietnamese or Swahili.  So why Spanish?

       Recorded message offers me an automated help menu.  {SIGH!}

       Ha!  Dat ain't gonna do shit.

       So still no internet.
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        Hot chicken noodle soup from Whole Foods is so vastly superior to ANY canned chicken noodle soup that it should not have the same name.

       Good flavor.  Almost NO noodles (so much lower carb) and huge amounts of big chunks of chicken which has not been cooked to mush.  And the chicken is a vastly higher quality.


       If a large dollop of coconut oil is pt into the soup, it is an incredibly hearty meal.  With the coconut oil, I need to eat less soup (making for less expensive meals) and coconut oil is amazing for keeping warm in colder weather.
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        Last week I was in line at Rouses behind a guy buying chewing gum with his Foodstamp card.

       Today I was at Whole Foods.  I attempted to  buy some cooked spareribs, hot chicken noodle sop, and a gallon of water with Foodstamps.

       I was told I could buy the water, but not "the hot food".

       Yet one more reason to execute most all Congress Critters.
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        Lack of internet makes me guess a lot.  But the critters in my bed sure seem to me to be bedbugs.

       Pretty much crushproof when I smack them.  Dark red brown. Tiny little things. Sorta cute even though they are fucking annoying when they are not snoozing.

       For some odd reason (I'm not complaining here) they do not bite me.  No itchy or painful welts.  But they can drive me bugfuck (no pun intended) crawling over me.

       I flick them off me with thumb and index finger, bouncing them off the wall away from the bed.

       Do they not bite me because they like me? ;) Because they do not like my taste because of the supplements I take?

       They seem to have a wake/sleep rhythm.  Most active starting at 6AM.  Quiet after 10AM.  Do they drink my sweat?  Eat microbes off my skin? 

       I still want them gone even though they are cute little buggers (no pun intended). 

       I probably won't find diatomaceous earth at Whole Foods or GNC later today.  No idea if this link still works as I still have no internet to check it out.
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