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December 7th, 2014 - Alobar Greywalker: Magickal Record (aka Frater PVN, LA-BAJ-AL)
My Ever Evolving Grimoire: The Book of the Confluence of Forces
alobar
        I was at a large art n m dream.  did not know anyone, yet I was very comfortable.  Ad it felt *natural* for me to feel comfortable {AMAZING!}

       One of the wonderful things I have come to understand in this lifetime is that my dreams can sow me how I can become if I continue to keep growing.

       In the dream, somone made some disparaging (& inacurate) remarks about MDMA, which I corrected.

       I then went on to describe how psychedelics changed my whole approach to reality.

       I used doing magickal ritual as an example.  Before psychedelics I memorized other peoples rituals.  I plotted out and memorize the gestures, the intonations, the sequence of what was to be done. I entered the Magickal Circle with a game plan!

       My catholic school upbringing taught me this.  God is out there someplace.  I invoke him and talk to him in formal language.  I talk.  He (hopefully) listens.

       Magick worked pretty much the same way.

       Catholics, Golden Dawn, OTO –– pretty much all the same.  Priests put on a stage show using scripts they once memorized.  Does God get bored hearing these prayers memorized scripts after day?

       As I became more and mre adroit with psychedelics, inside and outside became a literary fiction as opposed to reality.  When I connect with Ganesh, no formal scrips are needed.  No ritual plan. No memorized prayers. 

       Charlie who works on the Square uses mantra a lot.  Very loudly.  Not sure if he is trying to impress the gods, the people passing near him, or to disconnect from his rational mind.

       Why he would want to sort-circuit his rational mind? 

       I do not know, but mantra seems to be used to do just that.

       My ancestors spent millions of years to develop my rational mind.  Why would I want to turn it off?

       I find hearing Charlie's loud mantras boring. Like the musicians who play the same 3 songs over and over for hours.

       Post-psychedelic connectivity does not shut off my rational brain. It connects it.  With what?  Fuck if I know! My intuitive brain?  Sure.  But it feels like something much larger than that.

       When Ganesh and I chat, Ganesh is in me and I am in Ganesh.

       When I am outside, I think of the wind many times a day.  It is manifest.  I thank the wind.  Sometimes expressing I'd like a stronger or more gentle wind  We work on the logistics together.

       My ~15 year intensive use of psychedelics av put me in touch with far more aspects of the mutiverse than I ever dreamed possible.

       BTW, I am not nearly as semantically erudite when awake as I am in my dreams.
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alobar
        The Party in my dream last night had a second very important knowledge lesson for me.

       There was a middle-aged gay man at the party.  Very well spoken and very persuasive.  It was clear to me his skills at language and persuasiveness were developed within the gay community.

       I told him so.  He thanked me. By the way I had spoken to him, he knew I was not trying to pick him up.

       And that points straight at one of my major insecurities!

       I fear giving compliments fr fear the person is going to think  am trying to pick him or her up when I am not.
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alobar
        On this day in 1967 I turned in my draft card.

       I have no regrets.

       I never obey laws I disagree with or follow rules I cannot abide by.

       "In times of difficulty and distress, in whom do you place your trust?"
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